Losing You

Wednesday January 26th, a day I'll never forget. We had to be at the hospital at 7:30am to start the labor process. I was so  nervous I didn't sleep the night before. When we got to our room I had to change just into a gown and get ready for the IV. I hate needles. It took three times to get the IV in. The nurse said I had small veins or dehydrated. Probably dehydrated from all the tears I cried. Every 4 hours they had to insert a white pill all the way up next to my cervix. The nurse said she couldn't use any gel to help so with her dry glove she shoved a pill as high as it would go. I cried from the pain and kept thinking how am I going to do this every 4 hours. I asked how many times does it normally take. She said maybe 5 or 6. 


Dr. Shanbour came by that morning to see how everything was going. I asked if I had to have an epidural. He said I would probably want one. I felt like I could have a panic attack. As I mentioned I hate needles and epidurals hurt like hell. My mom came up around noon and Duncan's mom was there that morning. Karter stayed the night with her Tuesday night so she wouldn't be asking questions and see us both so sad. Another 4 hours came by and it was time for another pill. Physical pain again. After each pill I would have good contractions for about 30 minutes and then they would go away. I was dilated to about a 1. My sisters Angela and Alex came by to give me a hug. 


At 4:45pm, Dr. Shanbour came by again to see how I was progressing. It was time for another pill. He decided he would insert for the nurse. That was by far the worst. I felt like his whole hand was tearing my insides out. I was kicking and screaming pushing myself to the top of the bed. I was just praying this process would hurry up. I told my mom & Roger they could go ahead and leave. I wanted it to just be Duncan and I when we finally delivered the baby. 


Around 6:30 that evening Reilly & Addie came by to visit. Addie and I had a long talk. We are just 6 weeks apart in our pregnancy and use the same doctor. We were both excited to have our babies so close.... The nurse said I could have what ever I wanted to eat. No more liquid diet. We had Johnny Carinos for dinner. In the middle of eating I started feeling really sick. My stomach was hurting and the contractions starting getting stronger. 


8:00pm, it's just Duncan and I now. Everyone has gone home. My Aunt Vicki & Uncle Mark had just left. Duncan sat quietly next to me in the chair. I laid still as the contractions were getting harder and harder. Another hour has gone by. I started feeling like something was dropping inside of me. I felt a burning sensation and then more dropping. I called for Duncan to lift the sheet as I felt something warm pouring out. He called the nurse and she said my water had just broke. It was almost time for another pill, but since my water had broke she knew it was getting close. Belinda (our sweet nurse) called Dr. Shanbour and told him she felt it could be any minute. I wasn't able to get up and go to the bathroom. I had to lie there and be still. When Dr. Shanbour got there he checked and said yes the baby was ready to come out. I didn't have an epidural so I felt everything. I pushed and pushed which seemed like forever. I kept my eyes closed the whole time and Duncan held my hand next to me with his head lying down. I didn't want to see the baby. I was to scared and felt it would make things harder. Finally the baby came out. I just lied there with my eyes closed crying. Dr. Shanbour asked if we wanted to know the sex of the baby and we both said yes. He said it was a little boy. My heart sank and Duncan just sobbed and sobbed. I always felt I was carrying a girl. Even though we wanted a boy since this was our last baby it just made things that much harder. 


My placenta did not come out right away. It took 4 hours to deliver the placenta. If it would have went over 4 hours I would have had surgery. I prayed and prayed that God would let the placenta come out on it's own. I didn't want to have surgery. After the placenta came out, I kept feeling my stomach. It had gone down so much. I cried thinking one day a pregnant belly and now nothing.


The nurse asked if we wanted to name the baby. We both agreed yes our little boy needed a name. Asher Burke we never got to hold you, kiss your sweet little face or meet your sisters, but you will forever be in our hearts.